Kicking the butt habit can seem like a daunting challenge.

Those of you who have tried it 10 or 20 times know what I’m talking about.

But there’s a simpler way to convince yourself that those nasty, stinky, chemically-laden, ridiculously unglamorous, life-threatening butts we dangle from our lip–the opposite end of the body than that which is traditionally associated with butts, you’ll note–have got to go. And it’s easier, I say, than all the other ways you may have already  tried.

Is it really any wonder that our slang for those pernicious cancer-causing sucking sticks is the same word as the thing we sit on, kick around and poop from?

“Butt, Tommy…” you say.

“No butts about it,” I say. “Those butts have got to go.”

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